A hearty thank you to a reader for this little gem.
Mrs Farida Waziri is almost beside herself with her concern for me. I am owed a lot of money, but a whole list of dastardly villains are queuing up to take it from me. No less than 14 of them have been arrested but now Peter Woo has had the cheek to try to convince Mrs Waziri that I have entered into an agreement with him. I think he should be added to the list of "hudlooms" and thrown in gaol too, don't you?
Once you have recovered from the effort of reading your way through Mrs Waziri's extra complicated missive - delete it. She doesn't want to send you any money. She wants to take it from you by way of fees. It's the 14 hudlooms who should be in gaol - it's her.
Oh yes - if you are wondering what a hudloom is - head on over to Alternative English. My guide to English according to the scammers.
"FROM THE DESK OF: Mrs. Farida Waziri, ATTN: TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN RE: BE CAREFUL OF THE HUDLOOMS Following the recent broadcast of the president and the commander in chief of armed forces of the federal republic of Nigeria during the visit to the America President Mr. George W. Bush, his speech to the visit to the America President Mr. George W. Bush, his speech to the united nation, couple with recommendation and resolution of his last visit to South Africa, British, France and the UNGA United Nations General Assembly in New York), a total sum of $2.8 Billion has been mapped out by the SENATE to settle all outstanding foreign debts owned to contractor this year. It has therefore become imperative for us to explore our options for reducing our debt servicing policy to affordable and sustainable levels. On the order of the president as a mark of his reconciliation and image laundering exercise toward sanitizing the battered image of the federal republic of Nigeria abroad. I am Mrs. Farida Waziri Chairman Economic And Financial Crime Commission, a committee set up by the Federal Government of Nigeria under the able President MUSA YAR' ADUA. The purpose of the committee among other is to investigate, verify and settle all outstanding debts owed to foreign contractors whose payment is overdue. During the last military dictatorship of Late General Sani Abacha, many abnormalities had happened in the Central Bank of Nigeria and Union Bank of Nigeria where some top official of the apex Bank collaborate with imposters and abandon our contractor half way with levies and taxes. Consequently, we received a directive from the office of the president, ordering the above office to settle all genuine contractors whose debts has been outstanding for a long time now. These are those who has shown sufficient proof regarding the release of their fund, And we wish to inform you that in our record here, you have fulfilled such conditions.But the reasons why your own Transfer has to be delayed is because, there is presently a counter claims on your funds by one Mr. Peter Woo, who is presently trying to make us believe that you entered into an agreement with him, to help you in receiving your fund, in his bank account in China. So here comes the big question. Did you sign any Deed of Assignment in favor of Mr. Peter Woo, thereby making him the current beneficiary with the following account details: Account Name: Indo-China Group Ltd, A/C #: USD114-102-5567-8, Bank Name: Standard Chattered bank, 138-141 1st Floor, Edinburgh Tower, the Landmark, 15 Queens Road, Central Hong Kong, Swift Code: SCBL 11k111. If you did not sign, nor authorize Mr. Peter Woo to receive your payment on your behalf, kindly reconfirm to us, your genuine bank account details, to avoid making payment to a wrong person, attempt to divert your payment to a new account without your knowledge may have been done by your local representative with the assistance of some (Union Bank of Nigeria) Officials, of whom most of them are presently under our custody and will face prosecution under section 35A sub section 1-2-4 of the criminal code of Nigeria, pending on when we finish with our investigation. This office is glad to inform you that your payment shall be made as soon as this information needed from you is submitted, either by Telegraphic Transfer or by international Certified Bank Draft. We are sorry to inform you that the Federal Government of Nigeria had made it clear to all foreign contractors whose payment is overdue, to be paid immediately hence all the modality relating to the release of your contract fund had been completed. You are advised to stop any further communication with your local representative(s) any officials (s) department of the CBN or Union Bank or any Government parastatal. This is to forestall new effort towards a diversion of your payment. This office supersedes every other department in the CBN ,every other banks in Nigeria and correspondence bank abroad and is thus responsible for the final payment. The consequences of not heeding to this warning would be yours. Although we have been able to come up with some good result about the people that have extorted money from you illegally and i wish to list them so that you will personally indicate them by writting back because we want to make your payment to youwithout any delay but we must surely deal and bring this names to book if only you will indicate correctly any of them. The names of the Touts that have been arrested are as follows: 1)Dr.ken in U S A, 2) PROF CHARLES SOLODO, 3) CHIEF JOSEPH SANUSI, 4)DR. R.RASHEED, 5) BARRISTER AWELE, 6)BARRISTER UCHEUZO WILLIAMS., 7) DR. HANZ MUSSA UNION BANK (NIGERIA) PLC, 8)Mr. Ernest Chukwudi Ebi, 9)Mr Eric William Deputy Governor - Policy / Board Member 10) Mr. Tunde Lemo Deputy Governor - Financial Sector Surveillance / Board Member 11)MR CUPPA ACOKA.FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA., 12) PASTOR GUMBS, 13) PASTOR DESMOND 14) MR GEORGE PETERS, The above listed names are been traced/investigated by our team and some of them have elope the country and note that if any of them is caught and find guilty he/she will go to jail for 25 years(twenty five years) as it is under the Degree 47 of the constituition of Nigeria under section of criminal law. So we are waiting for you to write us and inform us if any of the above names have once contacted you in respect to the your fund if yes dont waste time to indicate it immediately. We applogise on behalf of the President and the good citizens of Nigeria for any delay and lost this most have coursed you and promise that such thing will not happen again.And if you are dealing with any one of them regarding this payment we urge you to STOP because you are taking a big risk and you never find your money because your funds in the total sum $15.5MUSD (Fifteen Million five hunderd thousand United States Dollars) is now with the WEMA BANK OF NIGERIA PLC a commercial recently approved by the Presidency to fulfil all foreign payments. Considering the circumstances at hand, you are advice not to accept any fax or telephone calls that does not come from this office. Call me immediately you receive this message for more information or send your reply to this email us : email@example.com Best regards,Mrs. Farida Waziri, CHAIRMAN: ECONOMIC AND FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION(E.F.C.C). ASSISTANT CHAIR PERSON (RITA HILLS). +2347032889991